19 Funny Football Quotes

Football season’s start is just around the corner.  To get you in the football frame of mind, here are a few funny football quotes.

You have to play this game like somebody just hit your mother with a two-by-four.
Dan Birdwell

Three funny football quotes from Erma Bombeck

  1. Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.

  2. The Rose Bowl is the only bowl I’ve ever seen that I didn’t have to clean.

  3. If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

Baseball players are smarter than football players. How often do you see a baseball team penalized for too many men on the field?
Jim Bouton

A dozen funny football quotes by John McKay

  1. Kickers are like horse manure. They’re all over the place.

  2. When asked about his team’s execution: “I’m in favor of it.”

  3. We didn’t tackle well today but we made up for it by not blocking.

  4. Intensity is a lot of guys that run fast.

  5. We’ve broken down the expansion teams and they’ve averaged winning 2.7 games their first year, which to me is rather difficult. I figured out the 2, but the .7 has got me wondering what the hell is going on.

  6. Emotion is highly overrated in football. My wife Corky is emotional as hell but can’t play football worth a damn.

  7. On his team’s blocking strategy: “Hold when you’re at home and don’t hold when you’re on the road.”

  8. If you have everyone back from a team that lost ten games, experience isn’t too important.

  9. On how coaching an expansion team is like a religious experience: “You do a lot of praying, but most of the time the answer is ‘no.’

  10. I’ll probably take a little time off and go hide somewhere. We will be back. Maybe not this century, but we will be back and we will be a better football team.

  11. On the Buccaneers ineffective special-teams play, “They were absolutely horrible and that’s the best thing I can say. Besides that they were bad. These people are not poorly paid you know.

  12. On the Joe Namath’s play during the Jets 34-0 victory over Tampa Bay, “Namath is still Namath, but I must say that our guys were nice to him. I noticed when they knocked him down, they helped him to his feet. That was gentlemanly. I thought one stood around long enough to get his autograph.”

funny football quotes - Lou HoltzThe reason women don’t play football is because eleven of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
Phyllis Diller

Football combines the two worst things about America: it is violence punctuated by committee meetings.
George F. Will

If you’re interested in seeing more funny football quotes, go to football quotes, and if you’re looking for the right football saying, go to football slogans for hundreds of choices.

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