Football Jokes

Find a favorite football joke to tell your friends.

Q: What do the Atlanta Falcons and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!

Q: How do you keep the Detroit Lions out of your front yard?
A: Put up goal posts.

The Best, Clean Football Jokes

FOOTBALL JOKESQ: What do you call 20 Vikings’ fans in the basement?
A: A Whine Cellar.

Q: What’s the difference between the Buffalo Bills and a dollar bill?
A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

Q: What happened to the joke that Jay Cutler told his receivers?
A. It went over their head.

Q: Why do 49er fans smell so bad?
A: So blind people can hate them too.

Q: What do Nebraska and marijuana have in common?
A: They both get smoked in a bowl.

Q: What did the average Patriot player get on the Wonderlic test?
A: Drool.

Q: What do the St. Louis Rams and Billy Graham have in common?
A: They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell “Jesus Christ.”

Q: Why are so many Seattle Seahawks players claiming they have the Swine Flu?
A: So they don’t have to touch the pigskin!

The Funniest Football Jokes

Q: If you have a car containing a Cowboys running back, a Cowboys linebacker, and a Dallas Cowboys defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.

Q: Why did the football go to the bank?
A: To get his QUARTERBACK.

Q: What’s the difference between an New England Patriots fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q: What does a Minnesota Vikings fan do when his team has won the Super Bowl?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.

Q: Did you hear that Detroit Lions football team doesn’t have a website?
A: They can’t string three “W’s” together.

Q: How many San Francisco 49ers fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don’t burn out man!

Q: What does an Oakland Raiders fan and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They’re both empty from the neck up.

Q: What do they call a drug ring in Baltimore?
A: A huddle

Q: Where do you go in Chicago in case of a tornado?
A: Soldier Field – they never get a touchdown there!

Q: Why doesn’t Toledo have a professional football team?
A: Because then Cincinnati would want one.

Q: What do you call a genius sitting in the Texas A&M student section?
A: A Visitor.

Hilarious Football Jokes (and a few groaners)

Q: What is the difference between a Dallas Cowboys fan and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after awhile.

Q: How many Miami Dolphins does it take to change a tire?
A: One, unless it’s a blowout. In which case, they all show up

Q: What do you call 53 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
A: The Dallas Cowboys.

Q: Why do ducks fly over Ford Field upside down?
A: There’s nothing worth crapping on!

An Alabama fan and a Tennessee fan, fighting alongside each other for the Allies, were captured during World War II and sentenced to die by firing squad. The German commander asked the Tennessee fan if he had any last requests. The Vol said, “I want to hear ‘Rocky Top’ one last time.” The Bama fan was then asked if he had any last requests. “Yes, shoot me first!”

Did you hear about the Buffalo Bills kicker who tried to throw himself on the floor in a fit of rage?  He missed.

All of the Seven Dwarfs were marching through the forest one day they fell in a deep, dark ravine. Snow White, who was following behind, peered over the edge of the steep chasm and called out to her fallen comrades. From the depths of the dark hole a voice returned, “The Detroit Lions are Super Bowl contenders.” Snow White thought to herself, “Thank God! At least Dopey has survived!”

NFL – A bad lip reading

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