If you think America’s national pastime has lost its luster, these funny baseball quotes will remind you of the joy and fun of the game. Perhaps more so than any other sport, baseball seems to attract fun-loving and quirky individuals who have a way with words.
To commemorate those folks, we’ve put together this list that is sure to produce a laugh or two from even the toughest crowds.
So, sit back, have a read and enjoy some of the funny things said about the great sport of baseball.
Baseball Quotes Funny
1.) Trying to sneak a pitch past Hank Aaron is like trying to sneak a sunrise past a rooster.
Curt Simmons
2.) The only thing worse than a Mets game is a Mets doubleheader.
Casey Stengel
3.) If you don’t think too good, don’t think too much.
Ted Williams
4.) Baseball players are smarter than football players. How often do you see a baseball team penalized for too many men on the field?
Jim Bouton
5.) I don’t want to play golf. When I hit the ball, I want others to chase it.
Roger Hornsby
6.) The last words to the Star-Spangled Banner? Play ball!
Unknown
7.) I am convinced that every boy, in his heart, would rather steal second base than an automobile.
Thomas Campbell Clark
8.) All ballplayers should quit when it starts to feel as if all the baselines run uphill.
Babe Ruth
9.) In the great department store of life, baseball is in the toy department.
Unknown
10.) They broke it to me gently. The manager came up to me before a game and told me they didn’t allow visitors in the clubhouse.
Bob Uecker
Check out Good Baseball Sayings
Hilarious Baseball Quotations
11.) Things could be worse. Suppose your errors were counted and published every day, like those of a baseball player.
William Alexander
12.) I’d rather be the shortest player in the Majors than the tallest player in the minors.
Fred Patek
13.) I never questioned the integrity of an umpire. Their eyesight, yes.
Leo Durocher
14.)It ain’t nothing ‘till I call it.
Bill Klein, former MLB umpire
15.) If you get three strikes, not even the best lawyer in the world can get you off.
Bill Veeck
You might like our Best Quotations About Baseball page.
16.) I never took the game home with me. I always left it in some bar.
Bob Lemon
17.) All I remember about my wedding day in 1967 is that the Cubs lost a doubleheader.
George Will
18.) Us ballplayers do things backward. First, we play, then we retire and go to work.
Charlie Gehringer
19.) There are two theories on hitting the knuckleball. Unfortunately, neither one of them works.
Charlie Lau
20.) The way to catch a knuckleball is to wait until the ball stops rolling and then to pick it up.
Bob Uecker
Ready for a challenge? Take the Sports Trivia Questions Quiz
Really Funny Baseball Quotes
21.) Slump? I ain’t in no slump. I just ain’t hitting.
Yogi Berra
22.) So I’m ugly. So what? I never saw anyone hit with his face.
Yogi Berra
23.) I’m glad I don’t play anymore. I could never learn all of those handshakes.
Phil Rizzuto
24.) You can sum up the game of baseball in one word: ‘You never know.’
Joaquin Andujar
25.) I knew when my career was over. In 1965 my baseball card came out with no picture.
Bob Uecker
26.) Winning is the most important thing in my life, after breathing. Breathing first, winning next.
George Steinbrenner
27.) Baseball must be a great game to survive the fools who run it.
Bill Terry
28.) The best thing about baseball is there’s no homework.
Dan Quisenberry
29.) Baseball, it is said, is only a game. True. And the Grand Canyon is only a hole in Arizona. Not all holes, or games, are created equal.
George Will
30.) With the money I’m making, I should be playing two positions.
Pete Rose
Amusing Sayings From Baseball Notables
31.) I became a good pitcher when I stopped trying to make them miss the ball and started trying to make them hit it.
Sandy Koufax
32.) Baseball is a skilled game. It’s America’s game – it, and high taxes.
Will Rogers
33.) If God wanted football played in the spring, he would not have invented baseball.
Sam Rutigliano
34.) Baseball is reassuring. It makes me feel as if the world is not going to blow up.
Sharon Olds
35.) He hits from both sides of the plate. He’s amphibious.
Yogi Berra
36.) It’s like deja-vu all over again.
Yogi Berra
37.) The two most important things in life are good friends and a strong bullpen.
Bob Lemon
38.) Finish last in your league, and they call you an idiot. Finish last in medical school, and they call you a doctor.
Abe Lemons
39.) Baseball is a fun game. It beats working for a living.
Phil Linz
40.) In a way, an umpire is like a woman. He makes quick decisions, never reverses them, and doesn’t think you’re safe when you’re out.
Larry Goetz
Humorous Baseball Quotes
41.) Willie Mays’ glove is where triples go to die.
Jim Murray
42.) We have football weather during baseball season and baseball weather during football season.
Herb Caen on San Francisco
43.) Baseball is the only sport that appears backward in a mirror.
George Carlin
44.) Your chances of winning, I’ve got to believe, are really, really small when you score one run in 18 innings.
Clint Hurdle
45.) Watching baseball under the lights is like observing dogs indoors at a pedigree show. In both instances, the environment is too controlled to suit the species.
Melvin Maddocks
46.) There are peaks and valleys in this game. Right now, we’re in a valley – Death Valley.
Kirby Puckett
47.) The key to being a good manager is keeping the people who hate me away from those who are still undecided.
Casey Stengel
Witty Takes our America’s National Pastime
48.) The Mets have found ways of losing that I never knew existed.
Casey Stengel
49.) Players have been bought, sold, and exchanged as though they were sheep instead of American citizens.
John Montgomery Ward
50.) Strikeouts are boring – besides that, they’re fascist. Throw some ground balls. More democratic.
Bull Durham
51.) You can’t steal second base and keep one foot on first.
Unknown
52.) The designated hitter rule is like letting someone else take Wilt Chamberlain’s free throws.
Rick Wise
53.) He looks like a greyhound, but he runs like a bus.
George Brett on Royal teammate Jamie Quirk
54.) Rooting for the Yankees is like rooting for the house in blackjack.
Adam Morrow
So, now it’s time to take me out to the ball game. Play Ball!
By Mike O’Halloran
Mike is the founder and editor of Sports Feel Good Stories.
Extra Innings
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