If you think America’s national pastime has lost its luster, these funny baseball quotes will remind you of the joy and fun of the game. Perhaps more so than any other sport, baseball seems to attract fun-loving and quirky individuals who have a way with words.
To commemorate those folks, we’ve put together this list that is sure to product a laugh or two from even the toughest crowds.
So, sit back, have a read and enjoy some of the funny thinks said about the great sport of baseball.
Baseball Quotes Funny
1.) Trying to sneak a pitch past Hank Aaron is like trying to sneak a sunrise past a rooster.
2.) The only thing worse than a Mets game is a Mets doubleheader.
3.) If you don’t think too good, don’t think too much.
4.) Baseball players are smarter than football players. How often do you see a baseball team penalized for too many men on the field?
5.) I don’t want to play golf. When I hit the ball, I want others to chase it.
6.) The last words to the Star-Spangled Banner? Play ball!
7.) I am convinced that every boy, in his heart, would rather steal second base than an automobile.
Thomas Campbell Clark
8.) All ballplayers should quit when it starts to feel as if all the baselines run uphill.
9.) In the great department store of life, baseball is in the toy department.
10.) They broke it to me gently. The manager came up to me before a game and told me they didn’t allow visitors in the clubhouse.
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Hilarious Baseball Quotations
11.) Things could be worse. Suppose your errors were counted and published every day, like those of a baseball player.
12.) I’d rather be the shortest player in the Majors than the tallest player in the minors.
13.) I never questioned the integrity of an umpire. Their eyesight, yes.
14.)It ain’t nothing ‘till I call it.
Bill Klein, former MLB umpire
15.) If you get three strikes, not even the best lawyer in the world can get you off.
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16.) I never took the game home with me. I always left it in some bar.
17.) All I remember about my wedding day in 1967 is that the Cubs lost a doubleheader.
18.) Us ballplayers do things backward. First, we play, then we retire and go to work.
19.) There are two theories on hitting the knuckleball. Unfortunately, neither one of them works.
20.) The way to catch a knuckleball is to wait until the ball stops rolling and then to pick it up.
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21.) Slump? I ain’t in no slump. I just ain’t hitting.
22.) So I’m ugly. So what? I never saw anyone hit with his face.
23.) I’m glad I don’t play anymore. I could never learn all of those handshakes.
24.) You can sum up the game of baseball in one word: ‘You never know.’
25.) I knew when my career was over. In 1965 my baseball card came out with no picture.
26.) Winning is the most important thing in my life, after breathing. Breathing first, winning next.
27.) Baseball must be a great game to survive the fools who run it.
28.) The best thing about baseball is there’s no homework.
29.) Baseball, it is said, is only a game. True. And the Grand Canyon is only a hole in Arizona. Not all holes, or games, are created equal.
30.) With the money I’m making, I should be playing two positions.
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31.) I became a good pitcher when I stopped trying to make them miss the ball and started trying to make them hit it.
32.) Baseball is a skilled game. It’s America’s game – it, and high taxes.
33.) If God wanted football played in the spring, he would not have invented baseball.
34.) Baseball is reassuring. It makes me feel as if the world is not going to blow up.
35.) He hits from both sides of the plate. He’s amphibious.
36.) It’s like deja-vu, all over again.
37.) The two most important things in life are good friends and a strong bullpen.
38.) Finish last in your league and they call you idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor.
39.) Baseball is a fun game. It beats working for a living.
40.) In a way an umpire is like a woman. He makes quick decisions, never reverses them, and doesn’t think you’re safe when you’re out.
Humorous Baseball Quotes
41.) Willie Mays’ glove is where triples go to die.
42.) We have football weather during baseball season and baseball weather during football season.
Herb Caen on San Francisco
43.) Baseball is the only sport that appears backward in a mirror.
44.) Your chances of winning, I’ve got to believe are really, really small when you score one run in 18 innings.
45.) Watching baseball under the lights is like observing dogs indoors, at a pedigree show. In both instances, the environment is too controlled to suit the species.
46.) There are peaks and valleys in this game. Right now, we’re in a valley – Death Valley.
47.) The key to being a good manager is keeping the people who hate me away from those who are still undecided.
Witty Takes our America’s National Pastime
48.) The Mets have found ways of losing that I never knew existed.
49.) Players have been bought, sold and exchanged as though they were sheep instead of American citizens.
John Montgomery Ward
50.) Strikeouts are boring – besides that, they’re fascist. Throw some ground balls. More democratic.
51.) You can’t steal second base and keep one foot on first.
52.) The designated hitter rule is like letting someone else take Wilt Chamberlain’s free throws.
53.) He looks like a greyhound, but he runs like a bus.
George Brett on Royal teammate Jamie Quirk
54.) Rooting for the Yankees is like rooting for the house in blackjack.
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So, now it’s time to take me out to the ball game. Play Ball!
By Mike O’Halloran
Mike is the founder and editor of Sports Feel Good Stories.
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