Take a run of our clever soccer jokes and humorous puns.
Heads up — some fun soccer riddles, jokes, and puns coming your way!
Best Soccer Jokes
1.) Why was the soccer field wet?
Because the players kept dribbling.
2.) Why did the soccer ball quit the team?
It was tired of being kicked around.
3.) Why can’t you play soccer with pigs?
They hog the ball.
4.) Why don’t grasshoppers watch soccer?
They watch cricket instead.
5.) Why don’t soccer fans wear eyeglasses?
It’s a contact sport.
6.) Why do soccer players do well in school?
They know how to use their heads.
7.) Why was the soccer stadium so cold?
All the fans kept doing the wave.
8.) What kind of soccer team cries when it loses?
A bawl club.
9.) Why did the soccer player bring string to the game?
So he could tie the score.
10.) What do soccer referees send during the holidays?
Yellow cards.
Funny Soccer Jokes
11.) What kind of tea do soccer players drink?
Penal-tea.
12.) What do you call a ghost’s favorite soccer position?
Ghoulkeeper.
13.) My boyfriend made a save in a soccer game.
That’s how I knew he was a keeper.
14.) What did the soccer player say when he accidentally kicked the ball into his own net?
I’m so goal-oriented.
15.) Why do magicians like to play soccer?
They are great at hat tricks.
16.) Why did the tiny soccer player take a shower?
He was a little Messi.
17.) How do we know that soccer referees are happy?
Because they whistle while they work.
18.) Why couldn’t anyone see the soccer ball?
The defense cleared it.
19.) Why are soccer games the coolest to watch?
Because they have lots of fans.
20.) What did the soccer goalie say to the ball?
Catch you later.
21.) Have you heard about the soccer player who lived past 100 years?
He’s still alive and kicking.
22.) What is it called when a dinosaur scores a goal?
A dino-score.
23.) Why shouldn’t you play soccer in the jungle?
There are too many cheetahs.
24.) What lights up a soccer stadium?
A soccer match.
Cool Soccer Jokes
25.) What does a soccer player say on Halloween?
Hat, Trick or Treat.
26.) Why couldn’t the soccer team lose a goal?
They always had a goalkeeper.
27.) Why did the chicken get ejected from the soccer game?
Persistent fowl play.
28.) What time is it when an elephant steps on your soccer ball?
Time to get a new ball.
29.) Which soccer player keeps the field neat?
The sweeper.
30.) Why didn’t the lousy soccer team have a website?
They couldn’t string three W’s together.
31.) When is a soccer player like a judge?
When he sits on the bench.
32.) Why couldn’t the all-star soccer player listen to music?
Because he broke all the records.
33.) Why do soccer players do well in life?
They know how to reach their goals.
34.) Why do soccer players love the game?
They are in it for the kicks.
35.) What did the bumble bee forward say after getting a goal?
Hive scored.
See Soccer Field Dimensions (With Diagram)
Futbol One-liners
36.) I get a kick out of you!
37.) Soccer is the best way to kick off the day.
38.) Soccer players are goal oriented.
39.) I’ve got goals in soccer and in life.
40.) The only dog that plays soccer is the goal-den retriever.
41.) Goal digger.
42.) Soccer players know how to use their heads.
43.) The only dog that plays soccer is the goal-den retriever.
44.) Get your kicks.
45.) It’s good to have goals.
46.) Soccer hair, don’t care.
47.) Dream big, play bigger.
49.) Play with heart, not just feet.
50.) Game on.
51.) For the love of the game.
52.) Seven days without playing soccer can make one weak.
Funniest Kid-Friendly Soccer Riddles
53.) Why did the soccer fan toss his pop in the air?
He was celebrating a whirled cup.
54.) Why did the American soccer player decide to use his hands?
Because he was tired of de-feat.
66.) Why was Cinderella such a liability to her soccer team?
She kept running away from the ball!
57.) What lights up a soccer stadium?
A soccer match!
58.) Why couldn’t the world-class soccer player listen to music?
Because he broke all the records.
59.) What is the best place for a USA team to purchase new soccer uniform shirts?
New Jersey.
60.) What do you call a soccer team’s lunch in the park?
A kick-nic!
61.) Where was the first World Cup held?
In the hands of the winners!
62.) Why wasn’t the nose on the soccer team?
It didn’t get picked!
63.) What do you call someone who walks back and forth screaming one minute, then sits down weeping uncontrollably the next?
A soccer coach.
64.) Where do forwards go to dance?
Soccer balls.
65.) Two soccer teams play a game against each other. The home team won, but no single man from either team scored a goal. How can this be?
They were women’s soccer teams!
Funny Jokes About Soccer
66.) Why are scrambled eggs like a losing soccer team?
Because they’ve both been beaten.
67.) What runs around a soccer field but never moves?
A fence.
68.) What do you call soccer players who don’t wear their cleats?
Socker players.
69.) Which soccer player has the biggest cleats?
The one with the biggest feet.
70.) What is it called when a dinosaur scores a goal?
A dino-score!
71.) What is a ghost’s favorite soccer position?
Ghoul keeper.
72.) What did the bad soccer announcer get for Christmas?
COOOOAAAALLLL!!!
73.) Which soccer team is made up of sheep?
Baaaa-celona.
74.) Which soccer team is just learning to read?
ABCDE FC.
75.) Why didn’t the lousy soccer team have a website?
They couldn’t string three W’s together.
76.) Why did the motivational speaker call futbol a strange game?
He thought it was odd that a bunch of people were running away from their goals.
77.) Last weekend, my girlfriend’s soccer match. She had an awesome save. Do you know what I thought?
She’s definitely a keeper.
Fun Soccer Puns
78.) Soccer is the only sport that’s not a game of inches.
It’s a game of feet.
79.) Why did the soccer player hold his boot to his ear?
Because he was a sole music fan.
80.) When fish play football, who is the captain?
The team’s kipper!
81.) What kind of soccer team cries when it loses?
A bawl (ball) club.
82.) Why do so many Americans play soccer?
So they don’t have to watch it on TV.
83.) What’s the difference between a bad soccer team and an albatross?
An albatross has got two decent wings.
84.) My son played soccer in the mud all day.
He was a little Messi.
85.) What time is it when an elephant steps on your soccer ball?
Time to get a new ball!
86.) What do soccer referees send during the holidays?
Yellow cards.
87.) Why is Cinderella so bad at soccer?
Because she had a pumpkin for a coach.
88.) Why was the skeleton always left out in a soccer game?
Because he had nobody to play with.
89.) How do we know that soccer referees are happy on the pitch?
Because they whistle while they work.
Soccer Humor
90.) Why did the soccer ball quit?
It was tired of getting kicked around.
91.) When Santa Claus plays soccer, he’s the coal-keeper.
92.) What’s a soccer player’s least favorite drink?
A penal-tea.
93.) How did the soccer field become a triangle?
Someone took a corner!
94.) What position does a soccer player who doesn’t care about the past or present play?
Forward.
95.) How are magicians like soccer players?
They both do hat tricks.
96.) I tried to start a soccer club in my community, so I put up some posters at the coffee shop… just to get the ball rolling.
97.) What do you call it when your opponent comes to town?
Arrival. (A rival)
98.) Who is the cleanest player on the pitch?
The sweeper.
99.) Why are soccer players good at math?
They’re used to using their heads.
100.) How did the field get wet?
All the players were dribbling on it.
101.) What do bumblebees say after scoring a goal?
Hive scored.
I hope you got your kicks out of these soccer jokes and riddles.
By Mike O’Halloran
Founder and Editor, Sports Feel Good Stories
Overtime
You’re on our Best Soccer Jokes page.
You might like the following: