These basketball jokes are for those fans who love the game or who enjoy a good laugh. If you like March Madness, the NBA Championships, The Final Four, or even your local state tournament, this collection of jokes for basketball is sure to bring a smile or two. And, even if you’re not a huge fan, you’ll find something to enjoy a chuckle over.
Generally speaking, basketball humor falls under a few categories. They include simple puns, opposing team put-downs, and witty play on words. Some require a little knowledge of the game and some star players. Many take the form of question-and-answer jokes. Some are ideal basketball jokes for kids. We hope you enjoy them. We gave it our best shot.
Funny Basketball Jokes
Q: Why can’t basketball players go on a vacation?
A: Because that would be traveling.
Q: Did you hear the Atlanta Hawks don’t have a website?
A: They can’t string three W’s together.
Q: Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?
A: She ran away from the ball.
Q: What’s the difference between the New York Knicks and a dollar bill?
A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
Q: Why are basketball players messy eaters?
A: They’re always dribbling.
Q: What is the difference between a Suns fan and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after a while.
Q: How many New York Knicks players does it take to change a tire?
A: One, unless it’s a blowout, in which case they all show up.
Q: If a basketball team was chasing a baseball team, what time would it be?
A: Five after nine.
Q: Why doesn’t Albany have a professional basketball team?
A: Because then New York City would want one too.
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Hilarious Humor
Q: Why couldn’t Kobe pass the first grade?
A: He couldn’t pass the tests.
Q: What do you call a Knicks player with a championship ring?
A: A senior citizen
Q: Why did the basketball player sit on the sideline and sketch pictures of chickens?
A: He was learning how to draw fowls.
Q: What did March say to all the madness?
A: What’s all that bracket?
Q: Why did the ball hog not go to college?
A: Everyone knew he wouldn’t pass.
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Classic Hoops Humor
Q: What do basketball players do when they can no longer see?
A: They become referees.
Q: What does a Bulls fan doing after watching his team win?
A: Rewind the tape.
Q: What do you say when you miss a basket?
A: Shoot!
Q: Did you hear about the basketball team that doesn’t have a website?
A: Apparently, they can’t string three “W’s” together.
Q: What does a Timberwolves fan do after winning the Finals?
A: Turn off the Playstation and go to bed.
Q: What do you call a Knicks player with a championship ring?
A: A senior citizen.
Good Basketball Jokes
Q: How do you beat the crowd at a Nuggets game?
A: Wait until the game finishes.
Q: What’s the difference between Carmelo Anthony and time.
A: Time passes.
Q: Why did Larry Bird sketch chickens?
A: He was trying to draw fowls.
Q: What do you call a dozen millionaires watching the playoffs on TV?
A: The Minnesota Timberwolves.
Q: What does an angry rabbit and an NBA player have in common?
A: Mad hops.
Q: What do you call a failed Alley Oop?
A: An Alley Oops!
Q: What do you do when you see a lion with a basketball?
A: Get out of the way.
Q: What do Bulls fans do after Chicago wins the championship?
A: Rewind the VHS tape.
Q: Why is the Westminister Dog Show held at Madison Square Garden?
A: Fans wanted to see someone other than the Knicks roll over and play dead there.
Q: What does a Cavs fan do when his team wins the NBA Finals?
A: Turn off the Xbox One.
Q: Why were the basketball team’s jersey’s so full of static?
A: The team was out of bounce.
Funniest NBA Bloopers
One-Liners
- Offensively, James Harden is outstanding. Defensively, he’s just out standing.
- The reason Madison, Wisconsin doesn’t have a professional basketball team is that pretty soon Milwaukee will want one, too.
- My brother thinks he’s good at basketball. He says, “I’ve been Duncan my whole life!”
- The Cavaliers are a team in transition… they’re going from bad to worse.
- Our basketball coach loves dogs… he has three-pointers.
- Cinderella was such a bad basketball player because her coach was a pumpkin.
- Basketball players stay cool in hot gyms by hanging out near the fans.
- The man walking through the airport with a basketball must’ve been traveling.
- The Lake Trout didn’t try out for the school’s basketball team because it was afraid of the net.
- I talk a lot of trash on the basketball court because my skills are garbage.
- A “Bawler” is a sad basketball player.
- Forget about it, not even Cinderella is getting to this ball.
- I used to be addicted to basketball. But, then I rebounded.
- Basketball sued tennis for no reason… now, they have to go to court.
- Don’t make excuses; make your shots.
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Humorous Basketball Funnies
Q: Did you hear about Team USA Men’s Team?
A: 10 men, 1 dream, and 19 eyebrows.
Q: What would you get if you crossed a basketball with a newborn snake?
A: A bouncing baby boa.
Q: Why can’t you play basketball with pigs?
A: They hog the ball.
Q: What does a Minnesota Timberwolves player do when his team has won the NBA Finals?
A: Turn off the PlayStation
Q: Who is the best Star Wars character at basketball?
A: Kobe Wan Kenobi.
Check out this basketball prank.
Funny Basketball Sayings
Smack talk at its best starts right here. Some of these make great basketball captions as well.
- I’ve got five fouls and I plan on using them.
- There are so many bricks this must be a construction site.
- You can build a wall with all of these bricks!
- What did you do to your teammates that you have to guard me?
- Did you tape those ankles?
- IHOOP!
- You had me at basketball.
- I don’t usually roll a joint, but when I do, it’s my ankle.
- No blood; No foul!
- Hoping both teams have fun out there.
- Hoop like a girl.
- Classy until tip-off.
- I got 99 problems but my game ain’t one.
- On fire and I’m not stopping.
- Shoot hoops – not people.
- Basketball is my favorite season.
- Born to shoot hoops!
- Basketball makes me happy; You, not so much.
- Free Ballin’!
- I’m the player your coach warned you about.
- Actions speak louder than your coaches.
- Pass? Just go for rebounds.
Basketball Riddles
Q: What do the stock market and Knicks season ticket holders have in common?
A: They both get negative returns.
Q: Why can’t you get a fairly officiated basketball game in the jungle?
A: Because of the cheetahs.
Q: Why are the Dallas Mavericks going to change their name to the Possums?
A: Because they play dead at home and they die on the road.
Q: What’s the difference between a basketball player and a dog?
A: One drool, the other dribbles.
Q: What do you do when you see an elephant driving down the lane with a basketball?
A: Get out of the way.
Q: What type of cheese do basketball players love?
A: Swish cheese.
Q: How were the scrambled eggs like the losing basketball team?
A: They’d both been beaten.
Q: Why does an octopus perform poorly on a basketball court?
A: It’s always getting tentacle fouls.
Q: Why was the hoops player charged with a crime?
A: She shot the ball.
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Witty Basketball Puns
Q: If a basketball player gets an athlete’s foot, what does an astronaut get?
A: Missle toe!
Q: Why don’t fish like basketball?
A: They’re afraid of the nets.
Q: Why was Cinderella such a bad player?
A: Her coach was a pumpkin.
Q: What’s the difference between Charles and time?
A: Time passes.
Q: Where do basketball players eat in the morning?
A: Dunkin’ Donuts.
Q: What do you call a pig who plays basketball?
A: A ball hog
Q: What’s the difference between treasury bonds and OKC fans?
A: Treasury bonds eventually mature.
Q: What do you call an unbelievable story about a basketball player?
A: A tall tale.
Short Basketball Jokes
- Duke students have trouble spelling “Krzyzewski.” UNC students have trouble spelling “Smith.”
- Did you hear that the USC basketball coach is dressing only 7 players for the tournament? The rest can dress themselves.
- Tennis has taught me that I can be better at basketball. Why? Because it’s nothing but net when I play.
- The hoops team’s favorite doughnut shop was Dunkin’ Donuts.
- Basketball stars don’t pass away – they just crossover.
- I couldn’t figure out why the basketball kept getting bigger and bigger – then, it hit me!
- The anti-vax hoops team lost every game. They never took any shots.
- What did the cheese say when it made a basketball goal? Swiss!
- Don’t play pick-up basketball with pigs; they hog the ball.
- Who is the poet laureate of basketball players? Longfellow.
I hope you enjoyed these and best swishes.
By Mike O’Halloran
Mike is the founder and editor of Sports Feel Good Stories.
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