These basketball jokes are for those fans who love the game or who enjoy a good laugh.
If you like March Madness, the NBA Championships, The Final Four, or even your local state tournament, this collection of jokes for basketball is sure to bring a smile or two. And, even if you’re not a huge fan, you’ll find something to enjoy a chuckle over.
Generally speaking, basketball humor falls under a few categories. The humor includes simple puns, opposing team put-downs, and witty play on words. Some require a little knowledge of the game and some star players.
Many take the form of question-and-answer jokes. Some are ideal basketball jokes for kids. We hope you enjoy them. We gave it our best shot.
Funny Basketball Jokes
Q: Why can’t basketball players go on a vacation?
A: Because that would be traveling.
Q: Did you hear the Atlanta Hawks don’t have a website?
A: They can’t string three W’s together.
Q: Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?
A: She ran away from the ball.
Q: What’s the difference between the New York Knicks and a dollar bill?
A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
Q: Why are basketball players messy eaters?
A: They’re always dribbling.
Q: What is the difference between a Suns fan and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after a while.
See Basketball Roles and Responsibilities of Each Position.
Q: How many New York Knicks players does it take to change a tire?
A: One, unless it’s a blowout, in which case they all show up.
Q: If a basketball team was chasing a baseball team, what time would it be?
A: Five after nine.
Q: Why doesn’t Albany have a professional basketball team?
A: Because then New York City would want one too.
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Hilarious Humor
Q: Why couldn’t Kobe pass the first grade?
A: He couldn’t pass the tests.
Q: What do you call a Knicks player with a championship ring?
A: A senior citizen
Q: Why did the basketball player sit on the sideline and sketch pictures of chickens?
A: He was learning how to draw fowls.
Q: What violation do ghosts get called for the most in basketball?
A: Ghoul tending.
Q: What do cheerleaders drink before they go to a basketball game?
A: Root beer!
Q: What did March say to all the madness?
A: What’s all that bracket?
Q: Why did the ball hog not go to college?
A: Everyone knew he wouldn’t pass.
Q: What do you call a basketball player that misses dunks?
A: Alley Whoops.
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Classic Hoops Humor
Q: What do basketball players do when they can no longer see?
A: They become referees.
Q: What does a Bulls fan doing after watching his team win?
A: Rewind the tape.
Q: What do you say when you miss a basket?
A: Shoot!
Q: Did you hear about the basketball team that doesn’t have a website?
A: Apparently, they can’t string three “W’s” together.
See Kobe Bryant Day.
Q: What does a Timberwolves fan do after winning the Finals?
A: Turn off the Playstation and go to bed.
Q: What do you call a Knicks player with a championship ring?
A: A senior citizen.
Q: Why is a referee like an angry chicken?
A: They both have foul mouths.
See Most Popular Harlem Globetrotters.
Good Basketball Jokes
Q: How do you beat the crowd at a Nuggets game?
A: Wait until the game finishes.
Q: What’s the difference between Carmelo Anthony and time.
A: Time passes.
Q: Why did Larry Bird sketch chickens?
A: He was trying to draw fowls.
Q: What do you call a dozen millionaires watching the playoffs on TV?
A: The Minnesota Timberwolves.
Q: What do an angry rabbit and an NBA player have in common?
A: Mad hops.
Q: What do you call a failed Alley Oop?
A: An Alley Oops!
Q: What do you do when you see a lion with a basketball?
A: Get out of the way.
Q: What do Bulls fans do after Chicago wins the championship?
A: Rewind the VHS tape.
Q: Why is the Westminister Dog Show held at Madison Square Garden?
A: Fans wanted to see someone other than the Knicks roll over and play dead there.
Q: What does a Cavs fan do when his team wins the NBA Finals?
A: Turn off the Xbox One.
Q: Why were the basketball team’s jersey’s so full of static?
A: The team was out of bounce.
Check out Basketball Day.
Funniest NBA Bloopers
One-Liners
Offensively, James Harden is outstanding. Defensively, he’s just out standing.
The reason Madison, Wisconsin doesn’t have a professional basketball team is that pretty soon Milwaukee will want one, too.
My brother thinks he’s good at basketball. He says, “I’ve been Duncan my whole life!”
The Cavaliers are a team in transition… they’re going from bad to worse.
Our basketball coach loves dogs… he has three-pointers.
Cinderella was such a bad basketball player because her coach was a pumpkin.
Basketball players stay cool in hot gyms by hanging out near the fans.
The man walking through the airport with a basketball must’ve been traveling.
The lake trout didn’t try out for the school’s basketball team because it was afraid of the net.
I talk a lot of trash on the basketball court because my skills are garbage.
A “Bawler” is a sad basketball player.
Forget about it, not even Cinderella is getting to this ball.
I used to be addicted to basketball. But, then I rebounded.
Basketball sued tennis for no reason… now, they have to go to court.
Don’t make excuses; make your shots.
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Humorous Basketball Funnies
Q: Did you hear about Team USA Men’s Team?
A: 10 men, 1 dream, and 19 eyebrows.
Q: What would you get if you crossed a basketball with a newborn snake?
A: A bouncing baby boa.
Q: Why can’t you play basketball with pigs?
A: They hog the ball.
Q: What does a Minnesota Timberwolves player do when his team has won the NBA Finals?
A: Turn off the PlayStation
Q: Who is the best Star Wars character at basketball?
A: Kobe Wan Kenobi.
Q: What do you call a pumpkin that can slam dunk a basketball?
A: Michael Gourdan.
Q: Why did the elephants stampede the basketball court?
A: They wanted to play for the chargers.
Q: What is the favorite sport of a bass fish?
A: Bass-ketball. Duh.
Q: What’s the only difference between time and a ball hog?
A: Time passes.
Q: Where do point guards take their dates after the game?
A: To the Basket Ball.
Q: How many NCAA basketball players does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Only one. But he gets money, a car, and four credit hours for it.
Funny Basketball Sayings
Smack talk at its best starts right here. Some of these make great basketball captions as well.
I’ve got five fouls and I plan on using them.
I used to be addicted to basketball, but then I rebounded.
There are so many bricks this must be a construction site.
You can build a wall with all of these bricks!
What did you do to your teammates that you have to guard me?
Did you tape those ankles?
IHOOP!
You had me at basketball.
I don’t usually roll a joint, but when I do, it’s my ankle.
No blood; No foul!
Hoping both teams have fun out there.
Hoop like a girl.
Classy until tip-off.
I got 99 problems but my game ain’t one.
On fire and I’m not stopping.
Shoot hoops – not people.
Basketball is my favorite season.
Born to shoot hoops!
Basketball makes me happy; You, not so much.
Free Ballin’!
I’m the player your coach warned you about.
Actions speak louder than your coaches.
Pass? Just go for rebounds.
Longfellow is the Poet Laureate of basketball — the known poet of basketball.
Basketball Riddles
Q: What do the stock market and Knicks season ticket holders have in common?
A: They both get negative returns.
Q: Why can’t you get a fairly officiated basketball game in the jungle?
A: Because of the cheetahs.
Q: Why are the Dallas Mavericks going to change their name to the Possums?
A: Because they play dead at home and they die on the road.
Q: What’s the difference between a basketball player and a dog?
A: One drools; the other dribbles.
Q: What do you do when you see an elephant driving down the lane with a basketball?
A: Get out of the way.
Q: What type of cheese do basketball players love?
A: Swish cheese.
Q: How were the scrambled eggs like the losing basketball team?
A: They’d both been beaten.
Q: Why does an octopus perform poorly on a basketball court?
A: It’s always getting tentacle fouls.
Q: Why was the hoops player charged with a crime?
A: She shot the ball.
Q: Why can’t basketball players go on vacation?
A: They’ll get called for traveling.
Q: What do you call a dozen millionaires watching the NBA playoffs on TV?
A: The Minnesota Timberwolves.
Q: How many Lakers does it take to change a tire?
A: One, unless it’s a blowout, then they all show up.
Q: What do Chicago Bulls fans do after Chicago wins the championship?
A: Rewind the VHS tape.
Q: Why don’t the Celtics have a website?
A: They can’t string three W’s together.
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Witty Basketball Puns
Q: If a basketball player gets an athlete’s foot, what does an astronaut get?
A: Missle toe!
Q: Why don’t fish like basketball?
A: They’re afraid of the nets.
Q: Why do hoops players love donuts?
A: Because they can dunk them.
Q: Why was Cinderella such a bad player?
A: Her coach was a pumpkin.
Q: What’s the difference between Charles and time?
A: Time passes.
Q: What do you do when you see an elephant with a basketball?
A: Get out of the way.
Q: Where do basketball players eat in the morning?
A: Dunkin’ Donuts.
Q: Why was the basketball court all wet?
A: Apparently players dribbled all over it.
Q: What do you call a pig who plays basketball?
A: A ball hog
Q: What’s the difference between treasury bonds and OKC fans?
A: Treasury bonds eventually mature.
Q: What do you call an unbelievable story about a basketball player?
A: A tall tale.
Q: Why was Cinderella a lousy basketball player?
A: She had a pumpkin for a coach.
Speaking of pumpkins, did you hear about the one who played basketball?
He was a point gourd.
Short Basketball Jokes
Duke students have trouble spelling “Krzyzewski.” UNC students have trouble spelling “Smith.”
Did you hear that the USC basketball coach is dressing only 7 players for the tournament? The rest can dress themselves.
Tennis has taught me that I can be better at basketball. Why? Because it’s nothing but net when I play.
The hoops team’s favorite doughnut shop was Dunkin’ Donuts.
Basketball stars don’t pass away – they just crossover.
I couldn’t figure out why the basketball kept getting bigger and bigger – then, it hit me!
The anti-vax hoops team lost every game. They never took any shots.
What did the cheese say when it made a basketball goal? Swiss!
Don’t play pick-up basketball with pigs; they hog the ball.
Who is the poet laureate of basketball players? Longfellow.
I hope you enjoyed these puns. Try posting them on social media or sharing them with your team. Best swishes!
By Mike O’Halloran
Mike is the founder and editor of Sports Feel Good Stories.
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