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Very Funny Basketball Quotations and Sayings
All I know is, as long as I led the Southeastern Conference in scoring, my grades would be fine.
Charles Barkley
I always laugh when people ask me about rebounding techniques. I’ve got a technique. It’s called just go get the damn ball.
Charles Barkley
Yeah Ernie, its called defense, I mean I wouldn’t know anything about it personally but I’ve heard about it through the grapevine.
Charles Barkley
You got to believe in yourself. Hell, I believe I’m the best-looking guy in the world and I might be right.
Charles Barkley
Kids are great. That’s one of the best things about our business, all the kids you get to meet. It’s a shame they have to grow up to be regular people and come to the games and call you names.
Charles Barkley
See more funny Charles Barkley Quotes
I haven’t been able to slam-dunk the basketball for the past five years. Or, for the thirty-eight years before that, either.
Dave Barry
When I dunk, I put something on it. I want the ball to hit the floor before I do.
Darryl Dawkins
Winning is like deodorant – it comes up and a lot of things don’t stink.
Doc Rivers
There are really only two plays: Romeo and Juliet, and put the darn ball in the basket.
Abe Lemmons
Winning is overrated. The only time it is really important is in surgery and war.
Al McGuire 
Don’t call me son unless you’re going to include me in your will. (When Adolph Rupp called him, “Son.”)
Al McGuire
A team should be an extension of a coach’s personality. My teams are arrogant and obnoxious.
Al McGuire
The only mystery in life is why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
Al McGuire
Our guys took Shop and Advanced Shop. Shop is when you make a chair. Advanced Shop is when you paint it.
Al McGuire
I think everyone should go to college and get a degree and then spend six months as a bartender and six months as a cab driver. Then they would really be educated.
Al McGuire
If the waitress has dirty ankles, the chili is good.
Al McGuire
See other great Al McGuire quotes
Funny Basketball Quotations
When I went to Catholic high school in Philadelphia, we just had one coach for football and basketball. He took all of us who turned out and had us run through a forest. The ones who ran into the trees were on the football team.
George Raveling
Fans never fall asleep at our games, because they’re afraid they might get hit by a pass. George Raveling
I know the Virginia players are smart because you need a 1500 SAT to get in. I have to drop bread crumbs to get our players to and from class.
George Raveling
I hate it. It looks like a stickup at 7-Eleven. Five guys standing there with their hands in the air.
Norm Sloan, commenting on zone defense
We’re shooting 100 percent – 60 percent from the field and 40 percent from the free-throw line.
Norm Stewart
The secret is to have eight great players and four others who will cheer like crazy.
Jerry Tarkanian
This year we plan to run and shoot. Next season we hope to run and score.
Billy Tubbs
I liked the choreography, but I didn’t care for the costumes.
Tommy Tune, on why he doesn’t play basketball
Any American boy can be a basketball star if he grows up, up, up.
Bill Vaughn